I've located my laptop but not my sanity...

The destruction zone called my new home

For those breathless with anticipation for the next installment of this blog you can now relax, breathe easy and take comfort in the fact that I'm back! "Yay!!!" followed by "Phew!" I hear you say.... But hey, what gives? C'mon a whole month away?

For anyone who ever started a gym membership (“I'm like, sooo going every day"), a healthy eating regime ("I swear, no carbs after 3pm and I saw this documentary about animals so I'm now a vegetarian!!!") or started the first draft of a novel and decided to chronicle her new writing adventures with a coinciding blog ("I'm going to write a novel and call the blog 'writing between feeds!") we all know that a month away is dangerous territory. Or, to be more precise, the land of "meh, it's been so long I'll just leave it" territory.  Why? Because before you know it, *BANG*, you're the size of a small house, eating BBQ Bambi with a side of mash and chips sprinkled with toast for dinner every night and...you've stopped writing...The one thing you promised yourself you wouldn't do this time around!!

So what happened? What could shatter my rock-solid commitment of writing between feeds? Two words - moving house... Or more precisely; moving-all-the-crazy-shit-we-call-stuff-from-one-place-to another-place-with-a-3month-old baby-and-a-3-year-old-boy-on-my-own-because-my-husband-couldn't-get-out-of-work because-he-just-started-a-new-job. (Oh that old nugget!)

As first world problems challenges go, it’s a biggie! (Yes first world because hey, hey, I know… we're actually lucky.. Lucky that I at least have stuff and lucky I have a house and lucky the hubby has a job and lucky I'm on maternity leave so I have loads of time to pack... that kind of lucky) In fact, at first I was feeling really good about the move. I was feeling organized, feeling confident, ("I can do this! My amazing in-laws are helping me on the day and my whole family has been helping me get ready for weeks and we're getting removalists in! I’m super mum!")

WRONG!!!

By the end of it I had to uncurl myself from the ball I had bubble-wrapped myself in (there was a lot lying around at the time) and called up both my sisters and sobbed like a little baby and wailed to my husband when he got home; "I am *sob* never *sob sob* ever doing that *snort sob* again on my own, EVER again! I don’t want to ever go into the old house again you’ll have to clean it up on your own." (which the poor guy subsequently did over the weekend, oh yes it was that bad, I played the ‘crying wife’ card!!)

I did not look like these people... I didn't have a funky "I'm moving house bandana" on, nor did I have my pot plant perched so precariously on top of my obviously empty boxes while my muscle-bound husband smiles indulgently on - oh getty images, how you lie!

But on a positive note - like all annoying things in life, there are lessons to be learnt from it and a list of certainties in which you can draw from... And so here they are...

My top 5 certainties when moving house with a baby and a toddler:

5) 3 year olds don't like playing the game "lets help mummy pack up your toys!" Why? because this game will rapidly transform into the "mummy puts a toy in the box and little boy takes it out" game. ("But mummy, I'll just keep this one out for now it's my favourite!" "But you haven't played with it since you we're 6 months old!!" "But I love it!!")

4) Never be clever and think, I won't pack the baby's nappies in the box marked "change table items" I'll put it somewhere else where I can find it easier once in the new house! Why? Because this results in a quick dash to the shops only to realize, as you open the boot to put the new packet of nappies in, that this is precisely where you left the packet of nappies you were looking for plus the spare packet you always buy just in case. Yay! Now you have three packets!!!

3) Your hair will turn white watching removalists move your stuff. Why? Because you're paying them by the hour and they're carrying one tiny box at a time to the truck ("err, guys can you use a trolley? Time is a tickin! ….Faster this way? What do you mean it's faster this way? Use the trolley! Oh, you forgot the trolley oh wow. Ok then, hand carry faster! Faster!!"….P.S I’m not a tough, confrontational kind of person so I only thought these things in my head, and didn’t actually say it out loud. Why? Because I’m a wuss and those guys were really, really big!!)

2) You will, without a doubt, despite best intentions, reach P.F otherwise known as “Packing Fatigue”. How do you know you’ve reached P.F? When that junk drawer you thought you would have time to sort through gets shoved in a plastic bag and gets taken to the new house and shoved in another drawer (awww, its like the junk drawer bag gave birth to a new junk drawer baby!! Oooh and wait what happens when you move again *open drawer* surprise!! “Here I am again!! Your junk drawer from two moves ago!!”)

1) And lastly, you will cry tears of exhaustion at the end of a harrowing day despite trying to keep cool and calm throughout. Why? What possible straw could break your camel-like back you ask? This one…That moment when your son looks up at you with huge eyes amidst the destruction zone of boxes in your new house and he says; "okay mummy, that's enough, let’s go home now!" oh dear…." Ummm, son..."

So there. First world problems but it still sucks. It sucks so badly that it's enough to make you break your very best promises.

But of course because I like looking at the positives in life, it's now been three days since move day and the nightmare of it, like that cardboard cut you got on your hand trying to open a box without a box cutter because you packed it, slowly begins to fade.... and before you know it, very slowly, "the new place" is transformed into our "new home". My son has unearthed his favourite toys and we've put together his bed, my baby has (lots of) clean nappies and the change table has been set up and my husband has found the DVD remote in the box I intuitively called "remotes and stuff" and I... Well, I've located my laptop (in the box called ‘lounge/office items’) and I’m ready to go!!  So, Lets get back into it! Lets get writing!!!

Hmmm… now, if only I could remember where I packed the power cord….

      

With all my devices, there are not enough devices and... What Lightning has taught me about writing

my son, completely enthralled by 'Cars'

My computer has been taken over. My iPad, my iPhone, and my TV. If I had one of those fancy cars with a DVD player in it (which sadly, I don't), it too would be taken over. No, it's not 1999 again with Y2K resurrected, a Trojan virus nor is it Skynet's Rise of the Machines.... My devices have been taken over by a car... A red racing car (a Corvette my 3 y.o tells me) called Lightning McQueen.

For those in the club who have small children , particularly those who have little boys, you'll be familiar with Lightning. For you and I, "Kachow!!" is a term yelled/screeched/sung at the top of little lungs on a daily basis, Radiator Springs is a very real place (apparently we're going there next year after he saw an ad for Disneyland California Adventure) and you have been compelled/begged/cajoled/pleaded with to buy not one but every kind of little Lightning McQueen toy in the market ("that's the same car son,"..."no mummy, he's happy McQueen not angry McQueen!!"). 

To say my little guy is obsessed is the mother of all Understatements (warranting a capital U and in bold). He has Lightning clothes, Lightning bags, Lightning undies, all the toys and he watches the movie over and over (and over!!) again (both because there's a sequel). 

For those who don't know, (Wow, firstly, wow. Can I say how truly lucky you are)... Lightning McQueen is the star of the Disney Pixar animation 'Cars', a movie about a self-absorbed hot-shot race car who only cares about winning. When a misadventure leads him to a sleepy town called Radiator Springs, Lightning learns that age-old nugget that there's more to life than just winning and that to become a true champion, you don't always have to win the race. 

A small slice of the collection

It's actually a brilliant movie (and I'm not just saying that because I've seen it for the fiftieth time today "Again mummy! Again -raaaah !!!!") Just like other brilliant Pixar movies (A Bugs Life, Toy Story and Finding Nemo) it's not only a film that's beautifully animated with full of quirky side characters it also has plenty of heart (John Lasseter you are a genius storyteller)

And for lack of any other viewing in our house (oh how I miss watching gratuitous nudity, blood, guts, the eff word and TV shows rated above PG that feature adult situations....just saying) I started to realize that Lightning McQueen, that hot-shot rookie race car, can actually teach me a lot about writing my first draft... Lightning you see, like most main characters in great books and movies has a strong story arc. He is one thing in the beginning of the story and completely changed by the end. It is this journey that, if skillfully told, will keep readers/viewers hooked. After all, what's a story if there's nothing to tell?

It's not always the case of course, there are plenty of stories where characters learn nothing and change nothing by the end (can't think of one now but I'm sure they're out there), but for the most part, good classic storytelling has a Nemo who is lost then found (by a father who finds himself along the way), An Aragorn who starts as a Ranger and eventually becomes King (as he was always destined to be), A Lizzie Bennett who falls in love and ends up with her Darcy (after a few close-calls from a handsome rake and a troublesome little sister), and my all-time favourite Christmas movie ever...... Tough New York City cop John McClane who beats the bad guys, proves its hard for him to die, and is reunited with his wife (*tear*)

In Lightning's case, his journey from selfish rookie race car to someone, by the end of the movie, who finally learns to care about other people (or in his case other Cars) is a simple and a good one (not to mention a good 'now the moral of the story is' story for the kiddies)

Which made me think... What's my main character's story arc? What will be her fundamental change? 

The trouble I'm finding with her at the moment is she's way up here (hand above my head) she's tough, she's stubborn and lets nothing get in her way. She's fun to write (so far) and is getting into plenty of scrapes (there's a doozy in chapter three where she gets into a car chase) but I worry now if she has enough different facets in her character from when you first meet her in 'prologue' to by the time you see her at 'the end' and are they subtle and believable enough changes for the reader?
 
Frustratingly, I'm still figuring this little nugget out. I'm hoping (fingers crossed over keyboard) she'll magically show me her story arc by the time I get to it at the end ("ta-da I am now fundamentally changed! I have learnt a valuable lesson you amazing writer you, who's a good writer? You are! You are!") ...

Yes, well...... In the meantime, maybe on the fifty-first viewing today, Lightning McQueen in his racing car wisdom will show me the way. One thing for sure, in this house it's never really 'the end' for good ol' McQueen.... Not only because he is so well-loved but because my little rascal has figured out how to press 'play' on the DVD remote to take us back to the beginning of the movie and Lightning's character arc/journey one more time... 

"ka-chow!!!! ka-chow!!!" say it with me... "ka-chow!!!"

Show, don't tell...

The best advice that I'd heard about writing was the concept of "show, don't tell" from the novel writing course by the Sydney Writer's Centre.

This is even more apparent when you're in the middle of your first draft sweating it out and squeezing that blood out of the stone (ie words = blood, stone = your overwrought brain and sweat = sitting too close to the heater because it's 4am and the kids are asleep and it's cold outside in the kitchen but this is the only time you have to yourself!) 

Ahem, anyways...as I was saying, everyone's style is different and one of the fascinating things I'm discovering in this writing journey so far is that I really, really like talking. This is no surprise of course to my family and friends, but what I mean is I love dialogue. Conversation. The to-and-fro between my characters. When I think of a scene it's often their voices that start the scene off. Now this is great because 'hearing' what your characters sound like will help them come alive but the problem with that is...it gets a bit boring.  

Like I said in previous posts, I'm no expert, so many of you who have experience in writing (or even by reading lots and lots of books) already know this. You can't just have people talking on the page and nothing else. It's a guaranteed ticket to a book-thumping (ie *THUMP* that sound that books you've decided you no longer want to read make when they hit the wall as you throw it across the room)

In writing, you need to have color and movement. My favourite pieces of writing are the ones that engage all the senses through words. There's a strong sense of place and time. The plot reveals are effortless, not stagey.

It sounds simple but I found as I headed into this minefield called the first draft, that it was (and still is) a conscious effort for me. It's about finding a variety of ways in which you can reveal plot turns to the reader without making it obvious (Plus it reminds me of Rick Moranis in the movie Spaceballs where after Col. Sanders tells him what they need to do, revealing the plot in one hurried sentence, Moranis turns to the camera and says: "okay, everybody got that?") 

I haven't got it quite figured out yet but I've found that so far, having "show, don't tell" drilled into my brain is working (the fact that I've written it on my cork board helps too!)...'

It makes me stop the reams and reams of dialogue that I'm tempted to do and instead, realize that I need to describe what's going on in other ways eg. via a character's thoughts or (and here's a thought!!) that readers don't need the backstory of every person right now right away on the first page via dialogue.

It's like a strip tease (or so they say -ha!) that you as the author have complete control of. You know what's going to happen, it's up to you when you want to reveal key moments or little nuggets about your characters and your plot that will enlighten the reader bit by bit with what's going on and keep them hooked and wanting more. 

So what's the secret? How do you do it? (No really, I'm asking...)  

 I'm comforting myself with the fact that every artist was once an amateur too (says so on my cork board) I mean surely, Austen, Dickens or Hugo wasn't that good to begin with when they first put quill to paper right? (No, really I'm asking...)

Well, regardless, for mere mortals such as myself, I think it's a matter of practice, practice, practice. 

I'm also finding that reading lots of different types of books will help too, and by that I mean not just reading for pleasure for once, but reading to dissect and to learn from those who have done it and done it so damn well before you (Dickens, Austen, Hugo, King, Rowling, Tolkien... The list goes on) and even those who haven't done it so well (the list goes on too) Why did you book-thump that book? What made you hate it so much to cause a mark on your wall? 

In the meantime, while l (very obviously) don't have the answers, Whenever I'm feeling lost and get that itch for my characters to do nothing but talk, talk, talk...I pause, look up at my cork board, chuckle at the picture of Rick Moranis as Dark Helmet, look to the left of that and remember, show the reader don't (just) tell! 

Oh and here's another picture of Dark Helmet and the gang... Just because!

Screw the plan... The first draft is the plan

My writing desk
and my son (18 months in this pic)
checking out my plans

This isn't my first time on this particular rodeo. No, no, not the writing a novel part (are you crazy?) the starting a novel part. Starting a novel  I've done plenty of times before. 

It starts with an idea and before you know it, you've launched into the prologue (easy!) the first chapter (cake walk!), the second chapter (cool as a cucumber). You read through them over and over again, you make a few tweaks as you go and you're ready to move on to the third chapter (uh-oh) and there... Suddenly, you hit a snag.

You knew how you wanted it to start you even know how you want it to end but now what? You've hit what I call that saggy, soggy, squishy middle.. damn you saggy middle! It's your main character looking at you blankly from the page, a question mark over her speech bubble. It's your cursor blinking at you accusingly. 

What next genius? What next miss smarty pants?

Suddenly, your initial confidence gives way to misgivings, you read and re-read your previous chapters and you're filled with self-loathing and disgust ("what was I thinking? this is the worst worst most possibly the worst piece of writing in the whole of humanity!") you throw your hands in the air (after you've uncurled yourself from the fetal position you tucked yourself into) and you say, "eff it, do I really need this kind of stress in my life? I have a job, I have kids, it's all too much. Perhaps I was never meant to be a writer. I'm not a creator I'm doomed to forever be an appreciator and nothing else." And with that gloomy thought once again, you have another half written story to file away in your ever-growing folder of half-written stories. 

Now, I've attended many creative writing courses (the one by the Sydney Writer's Center is one of the best) and read many books (Stephen King's 'On Writing' is a must-read) and I decided that I needed a plan. So I set out to bullet point my way to the end of my story. I mapped out each chapter and each scene precisely. I wrote character bios, character lists ("what was the name of his cousin again? Was it Bob? Wait, Bob was the name of the neighbour not the cousin!").... I planned and I planned and then I realized something (now obviously everyone is different) but for me... well, all this planning killed the fun.... Gone was the excitement. Gone was the thrill ("I got it! They're now going to jump from that ravine!") instead, I was so terrified that I was going to "come off plan" that I found that I literally planned my story to death. 

Those who know me wouldn't be surprised by this revelation, when God was handing out the planning gene, they planned to give me one but completely forgot to do so. Methodical. Meticulous. Mapped-out. These are not words or notions that describe me. Much to the lament of my parents and high school teachers I thrive in chaos. I'm madness. I'm last minute. I'm 'she'll be right mate'.

So I've done the no-plan-let-the-ending-magically-come-to-you-plan. I've done the plan-every-scene-plan. I'm now going somewhere in the middle plan. Ie. a plan but its not bullet pointed to death. There's a map but it's not not etched in stone... 

Basically, screw the plan... The first draft is the plan... I need to write it first. I need to finish it and once it's finished, we go from there! Oh geez - wish me luck! 

Are you a writer? What works best for you? I would love to hear your thoughts, please comment below!

The idea is the most exciting part... Just don't tell anyone!

"I've got a great idea for a new book!"

Ah isn't that moment wonderful?  That little germ. That little seed. That little niggling thing in the back of your mind that you can't stop thinking about. It's in the shower with you, it's in your head as your feeding your baby at 3 am in the morning, it's in (sorry honey), your mind while you're talking to your husband ("How was your day?" "Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh...").

It's the birth of an idea and it's wonderful and exciting and consumes your every waking (and sometimes not waking) moment. It's magnificent. It's genius! So you decide... "I'm going to tell someone - now wait, not someone, EVERYONE!"

"I've got a great idea for a new book... It's about this girl/kid/man/dragon/flesh eating bacteria...." You say to your sister, your husband, your friends..

The trouble is, (and only experience will tell you this, and since I have none, I had NO IDEA) telling people your great idea is a very, very bad idea. Suddenly, you find yourself having to actually articulate (yes in actual words) what your idea is about. And not only that, because you're in a conversation, which more often than not, is a two-way thing, your idea is not only out of your brain but now out for inspection.

Suddenly instead of just universal acknowledgement that you're absolutely amazing and they should just hand you over that publisher's check right now ("You're the next JK Rowling!!") you find yourself with this: "That's a cool idea but.... omg what if you have a monster/a dragon/ a detective/ a sorcerer/ a magical portal/ a serial killer instead?" 

It's like the minute your fabulous idea is out there, it's no longer yours (despite the very best intentions of the people you've told.)

So I've decided.... I have a great idea for a book.... and I'm not going to tell anyone about it, not just yet. And it's at this moment that you realize. I have to write it now. And that's a daunting, exciting, intimidating and yet very lonely experience. 

The first draft sucks. The second draft will suck even more. The third, the fourth and eventually, if you're lucky to have anyone else read it other than your own mum and dad, that will probably suck too.

You're baring your soul, you're putting blood, sweat and tears into an idea you came up with in between feeds. Is it worth it? Is it any good? There's only one way to find out - but for now.... Shhhhh don't tell anyone!

Another baby, another blog and yet another novel

They say that when you have a baby, the newborn I-just-had-a-baby-what-the-heck-is-going-on fog begins to lift at around the 11 to 12 week mark...

Supposedly, (so they say) the delirium of getting up every 2 hours, breastfeeding ("Is she latched on properly? Is her mouth wide enough, oh my holy God why does it hurt so much??!!") the constant barrage of poopie nappies, the vomit (no shirt, no pair of pants, no untied strand of hair is safe! Rule of thumb - if you can wipe most of it off you can still wear it), the emotional rollercoaster ("I'm fine honey, I honestly don't know why I'm crying. I'm fine!! WAAAAAH!")..... You suddenly find yourself,  at around the 11 to 12 week mark, getting used to it all - you pop out that boob whenever the baby needs it, you can change a dirty nappy in the dark, half asleep, no issues, you wear your shirt with the vomitted-on-shoulders like the proud epalulates of a soldier in uniform. Suddenly, your little one shifts into the semblance of a routine and you become used to the idea of being a mum (ie you don't freak out every time you catch your reflection on a shop mirror pushing a pram - "omg is that me?!")

They say this, and if you're lucky enough, this is usually the case. Yes, it continues to be hard and there are good days and there are horribly bad days (and nights and nights and nights that feel like Groundhog Day) but generally speaking, you're at the proverbial light at the end of that proverbial tunnel of the newborn baby fog.

You have a happy, healthy, gorgeous baby and there are no complaints - not really, not compared to a lot of other people that do it a lot tougher than you - so you think to yourself; you know what? I've got this. I'm a mum and I'm rocking it and I've got this baby thing in the bag.

That was with the first baby. With a second baby though it's a WHOLE other ball game.

When my husband and I decided to have another baby I knew that it would be different but I didn't realise just how different. My gorgeous baby girl is now 11 weeks old and yes, she's stretching out her sleep during the night into a more predictable pattern, and yes I find myself surviving on as little as 4 hours of sleep a night. But nobody ever tells you that with a second baby, it's not the baby you have to worry about (you've done all of this before after all), it's your first baby - the toddler - that's suddenly the emotionally straining, energy draining, at-times soul-crushing little being in your life.

He's beautiful. He really is. My three year old boy is highly energetic, extremely sweet ("I love you mummy soooo much" is said on a daily basis with lots of hugs and kisses) and he loves his little sister a lot. He 's constantly kissing her and laughing at her every new move. But just like his mum and dad, he's figuring out his role in the family again. Which means, more often than not, trying to reassert his authority over his hapless parents. Suddenly, he doesn't want to sleep in his own bed anymore but wants to be in between mummy and daddy. He doesn't want to just play on his own (which he used to do all the time), he wants to play with you and only YOU (no, not daddy!!! only MUMMY - RAAAAAH!") and when you're in the middle of a feed that's the very moment he needs to go to the toilet, wants a slice of apple, or a cup of milk or for you to untangle him from the blanket and pillow fortress he's created for himself on the sofa or just a cuddle ("Mummy, put the baby down! It's my turn now!")

Like I said, having two kids is a whole other ball game and just like having your first baby, you're making up the rules as you go along.

So that said, with all of this craziness going on in my life, I've decided to return to the monkey on my back.

When I went on maternity leave the first time, I decided to write the novel that I had always wanted to write. I got halfway and then life took over and the excuses came and I never picked it up again. Now, at the 11 week mark (and three and a half years later!), I figured why not start writing again?

My life is already a crazy why not add to it?... So, that said... Welcome to the craziness! "Writing between feeds" is exactly that. It's a document of my journey into the first draft of a new novel in between feeding, bathing, playing, scolding, disciplining, going nuts, laughing hysterically, hugging and kissing my beautiful children.

They say you have to be a little bit crazy to be a writer. To do anything even remotely creative. With a newborn and a toddler, I'm already there. So let's get our write on! After all, what else do I have to do with my time?